McKenna Rose Winton
May 20, 2008 – June 23, 2008
Our daughter McKenna Rose was the light of our lives… she was the most beautiful baby girl ever. Sure, we were biased. But lots of other people said that too so I think it really is true.
McKenna was with us for 33 days and I can say without a doubt they were the best 33 days of our lives. We kissed her, rocked her, whispered to her, and touched her cheeks to ours. One evening she was really fussy…crying and crying…and the only thing that would stop her was hearing the vacuum. So I did what any mother would do….I stayed up late vacuuming.
Finally, she fell asleep. I loved watching her sleep. Watching her tiny chest rise and fall with each breath. Dark hair and rosebud lips. Seeing her eyelashes flutter. I was amazed at this gift God had given me.
The next morning she woke up and was still cranky. I tried feeding her and she wouldn’t have it. She was running a small temperature…nothing to be alarmed about…but being a first-time mom I was still worried so I called the Dr. and they told me to bring her in.
She cried on the car ride there. That was the last time I’d hear her cry. Once in the doctor’s office they checked her out, she became unresponsive, and then the doctor said to the nurse, “call an ambulance, we need to get this baby admitted right away.”
Talk about knocking the wind out of me! I was so confused, I had no idea what was going on…what was the matter with my baby?
We checked into the hospital and my entire world crashed down around me. They ran tons of tests and it was all pretty much a blur to me. Finally, they did a spinal tap on her which confirmed Bacterial Meningitis.
The doctors started the antibiotics immediately but there was no improvement. The next day they performed a series of tests and concluded that she was brain dead. She was gone.
I couldn’t move, and my heart was beating so hard I could hardly find my breath. I’ve heard the saying, “when it rains, it pours”….I wish this would have just been raining. Rain would have been nice. This was so much worse. Rain passes. Meningitis didn’t pass. It took her from us.
I thought to myself there is no way this is happening. What did I do wrong?
It has honestly been one of the most trying times of my life. I have never been angrier at anyone in my life than I was with God. I wanted Him to change things so bad; I wanted a door number 2…a different hand.
I don’t understand God a lot of the time. There are so many horrendous things that happen in this world and I struggle to find him in them.
I know in my heart that God has big plans in store for my husband and me. I trust that we will be blessed with more children. And I know that our little girl McKenna will be waiting for us when we’re called Home.
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